Talk:The Journal of Don Carter/@comment-26054278-20160214183758
There are certainly enough elements here for a decent story, but a lack of originality and mediocre writing hold it down from being anything truly great. The sheer idea of a Creepypasta with the story being recounted from a journal is one that is rather cliche, so in order to make your pasta stand out, you have to do something truly unique and different. Personally, I think this story falters there. Nothing about the plot seems too creative or original, and there really isn't a unique spin on it. Once you hear that there is this black figure out in the forest, you can pretty much guess exactly where the story is going to go. On a minor note, the appearance of the dark figures in this story was a source of confusion. The main character claims that he saw a shadowy man, but then when everybody is getting attacked, he refers to the attackers as "those things" and, later on, "monsters". Are they just men? They likely aren't, based on the descriptions of how the people at the party were killed. Therefore, if they aren't men, then what was the purpose of the man earlier in the story? I was fine with you not really describing the monsters, but the random appearance of the man with absolutely no explanation or addition seemed a lot more lazy than creepy. I would have been okay with it had the figure shown up at the end, but because of the journal format, that might have just extended a plot hole in which the main character continually writes in his journal regardless of the danger he is in. The first explanation of why he was writing in the journal was fit enough, but once the monsters started (essentially) slaughtering everybody at the party, there is absolutely no reason to keep writing in the journal. Shadowswimmer already remarked on this point so I won't dwell on it, but the last two entries particularly made the main character's journal-writing much more nonsensical. In fact, I think this story would have been improved had it not been a journal pasta, or, if the author was insistent on making the story in the journal-format, have the main character survive. The protagonist in a Creepypasta doesn't necessarily need to die in every story. Also, it would have provided a much easier explanation as for how the police knew where to search and what happened, as perhaps the main character was questioned about what happened at the party or maybe the journal was confiscated by the police. The story could have even gone a more non-traditional route and had a small group of teenagers survive, and then each person had their own little testament as to what happened that night (similar to the style of The Puppetmaster's Regime). The lack of description for the monsters does sort of play in the favor of the story, however. There is enough detailing of the horrific acts they commit, but we don't know their actual physical characteristics, which, while not an element unique to this story, still works well enough. There isn't much characterization in the protagonist, but since this story is a little disturbing and has some creepy factors, it is clear that it wasn't going for a story with super fleshed-out, relatable character. In addition, the main character isn't a terrible person or somebody I hate, and, despite his absence of logic when he writes the last couple journal entries, his other actions are reasonable enough. The writing itself is just okay, but since the journal was written by a teenager, it makes sense in character. There isn't too much to really comment on otherwise. It isn't a very good story, but it isn't exactly bad. Just sort of in that mediocre, kind of below average area. I'll have to settle for a high 4.5/10. Click here for more critiques.